Sunday, January 27, 2008;9:56 AM

My Reflections

I'm still on a 'holiday' mood although there were many events happened this year. 'O' level results was released this week, Mdm Koh was giving a talk, PE lessons, Chemistry classes and her tests, the class was constantly being reprimanded by Mr Akmal, and so on. I thought it was February by then but instead, the days were slower than the teachers and me. This led me to think: 'O's is coming very soon...

I tried studying, but my mind wandered somewhere. When I was able to focus, my brother came in and disturbed me. I can tell you candidly, "HOME IS NEVER A GREAT PLACE TO LIVE IN." What I say might be the opposite of your thinking, but, for a person like me, this is what I feel. Everyone has their own story to tell, each story have the miseries and joyfulness they suffered and enjoyed. As for me, I would want freedom. I don't like to be tied down and trapped in a small box, waiting to be exploded.

It's just T1 of the year. I am relaxing so much. My engine has not yet started as it has no more petrol. What am I suppose to do?! I'm beginning to be worried. I used many methods to make me study, but HUBBY seems to be my distractions. The moment I read my textbooks, I thought: Hubby, why is he this way? Plugging in my earpiece into my ear, it somehow helped me a lot but most of the songs I have were techno. I need TRANCE!!! Haiz, my computer broke down recently, I can't personalise any other computers.

I enjoyed Ms Soh's english class. She wasn't as bad as I thought. Her vocabularies she used were profound and I kept copying them down for further usage. Lols, I sometimes even recall what were they and what were their meanings. Difficult words I have came across with while reading my textbooks. I didn't write them down, I remembered them clearly and how to write a sentence with them with the correct sentence structure and the message I'm trying to get it across. Perhaps, too many trainings by Hubby made me become cautious with my speech and sentences. I want to understand him and be able to communicate with him, cos, I'm pretty worried about him. Although I know he wont betray me or be unfaithful, I'm afraid that there would be another girl that meet his expectations. His expectation of a girlfriend is very high, which is a challenge for me. Sometimes, I just feel so helpless with him. Or even, unreasonable with him too. He untied certain knots between us, I tied them back again. I really don't know what to do anymore. There were thoughts I wanted to give him up(he deserved better). He said: I chose to be affected by you. I wondered: Why? He also once said: In order to love, he wanted to be loved first. My principle is also the same, which means to say, both of us are stagnant people. Like what our star signs say: Taurus and Virgo are very common in many areas. Our likes, our preferences in certain things are almost the same, not to mention about our interests.

My hair seriously need colouring. I kept thinking of him and his expections and our memories with each other. It is getting grayer by day. What he asked was so simple, yet the most challenging request in life. Perhaps, I complicated many things. I should take it literally. My next goal is to: make him feel that I love him.

I learnt many words in the past weeks. I can list them down without refering to them and their meanings. Hahas
Allevate-to reduce
Decimate-to be completely destroyed
Fauna-the animals
Flora-the plants
Instill-to educate
Pulverated-to be reduced to power form
Spatial-the size

Well, I'm hoping that my days can get better. I have started many new things and erms, with the 'punishments' Mr Akmal can give, it is like a game to me. Haha. It's fun you know, but the moment you are given the penalty, you wont like it.

I also will and want to be with Hubby no matter what happens. I also want and will to understand him better, DRILL YOU MORE!! I don't want the flame to be diminshed. There are signs that shows that, and he is working very hard to keep it going. I must not be stagnant and let him to all the work.