Man strikes

Wednesday, January 30, 2008;6:17 PM

Study Study Study !

'O' levels are coming this year on 20 Oct, according to the Straits Times on 28 January 2008. The papers wrote that we shouldn't be panicking for it. We should remain calm and stay focus towards our goal. Either to pass our 'O' or to ACE it. For me, I intend to ace it!

Only when Ive aced my 'O's, I'm only allowed to have my freedom.

During school time, I was very focus in class, first time ever I did that since I've slacked. Usually, I always sleep in POA class, but today, everything in me changed. I sat in front of the class, analyising the whiteboard and identifying where were my mistakes. Time flew so fast today, as if I have gone through 2 days.

Supposingly, after school it was very quiet. However, today when I stayed back after school, it was different. The 4E1 students were studying among themselves and many other levels of secondary were studying too. But, in my table, it was the most noisest. Produced by who? By me of course, the creator of laughter and... NOISE.

I did study abit, but mostly, Im distracted by talking to people and my songs. Lols, I hated distractions but it's okay. Just multi-task. I'm able to do that.

I wonder why Hubby doesn't like me calling him Hubby due to one reason, we do not need the formality. And I also don't know why he don't want me to cry just because of his words. I have too many WHYs, but my answers are never given though. He also sort of wrote a song lyric to me? Lols, his literature is good. But he's also expressing how he feels in his heart.

Don't think that I don't know what you're trying to do.

Hahas, he sure have a lot of rewards from me by being..... Hehe, IT'S PERSONAL! I wonder how should I reward him. What gifts I can buy for him? Lols. There is a long list, but I wonder how am I to afford them.

Why I still love him and be with him? The reason is simple, the cause and effect. He loves me, so I love him back(but I don't know whether I'm doing in a right or wrong manner). How he treats me is how I treat back to him. And something special.. It's up to me whether I want to give him or not. Hahas (NOT SEX LA).

He respected me though, when I've said I needed time for certain things. Haha.. I liked that. Hubby, you're not to leave me, even if the rupert is ever going to take your soul away, so you stay. Don't think of DEATH so much, neither you should think of live. You should think, how you should make your world better and include me inside. By life, or death, I belong to you. No other people can take me away, even the Death God.

Back to me, not him.. Lols. I'm trying to improve my English in any ways. Speech or writing and the way I think and express myself. Lols.. I'm now sounding like him. Never minds, my English needs to be improved so that I can tackle him! Lols.

Okays, Ive planned out my day. Although today is tiring, I need to study too. My rest starts when I go to sleep. Hehe. My goal for 'O', all As. It's for Hubby. That's why I'm striving so hard for. If my parents object us, my VISA will overrule their objection. Hehe.

Sunday, January 27, 2008;9:56 AM

My Reflections

I'm still on a 'holiday' mood although there were many events happened this year. 'O' level results was released this week, Mdm Koh was giving a talk, PE lessons, Chemistry classes and her tests, the class was constantly being reprimanded by Mr Akmal, and so on. I thought it was February by then but instead, the days were slower than the teachers and me. This led me to think: 'O's is coming very soon...

I tried studying, but my mind wandered somewhere. When I was able to focus, my brother came in and disturbed me. I can tell you candidly, "HOME IS NEVER A GREAT PLACE TO LIVE IN." What I say might be the opposite of your thinking, but, for a person like me, this is what I feel. Everyone has their own story to tell, each story have the miseries and joyfulness they suffered and enjoyed. As for me, I would want freedom. I don't like to be tied down and trapped in a small box, waiting to be exploded.

It's just T1 of the year. I am relaxing so much. My engine has not yet started as it has no more petrol. What am I suppose to do?! I'm beginning to be worried. I used many methods to make me study, but HUBBY seems to be my distractions. The moment I read my textbooks, I thought: Hubby, why is he this way? Plugging in my earpiece into my ear, it somehow helped me a lot but most of the songs I have were techno. I need TRANCE!!! Haiz, my computer broke down recently, I can't personalise any other computers.

I enjoyed Ms Soh's english class. She wasn't as bad as I thought. Her vocabularies she used were profound and I kept copying them down for further usage. Lols, I sometimes even recall what were they and what were their meanings. Difficult words I have came across with while reading my textbooks. I didn't write them down, I remembered them clearly and how to write a sentence with them with the correct sentence structure and the message I'm trying to get it across. Perhaps, too many trainings by Hubby made me become cautious with my speech and sentences. I want to understand him and be able to communicate with him, cos, I'm pretty worried about him. Although I know he wont betray me or be unfaithful, I'm afraid that there would be another girl that meet his expectations. His expectation of a girlfriend is very high, which is a challenge for me. Sometimes, I just feel so helpless with him. Or even, unreasonable with him too. He untied certain knots between us, I tied them back again. I really don't know what to do anymore. There were thoughts I wanted to give him up(he deserved better). He said: I chose to be affected by you. I wondered: Why? He also once said: In order to love, he wanted to be loved first. My principle is also the same, which means to say, both of us are stagnant people. Like what our star signs say: Taurus and Virgo are very common in many areas. Our likes, our preferences in certain things are almost the same, not to mention about our interests.

My hair seriously need colouring. I kept thinking of him and his expections and our memories with each other. It is getting grayer by day. What he asked was so simple, yet the most challenging request in life. Perhaps, I complicated many things. I should take it literally. My next goal is to: make him feel that I love him.

I learnt many words in the past weeks. I can list them down without refering to them and their meanings. Hahas
Allevate-to reduce
Decimate-to be completely destroyed
Fauna-the animals
Flora-the plants
Instill-to educate
Pulverated-to be reduced to power form
Spatial-the size

Well, I'm hoping that my days can get better. I have started many new things and erms, with the 'punishments' Mr Akmal can give, it is like a game to me. Haha. It's fun you know, but the moment you are given the penalty, you wont like it.

I also will and want to be with Hubby no matter what happens. I also want and will to understand him better, DRILL YOU MORE!! I don't want the flame to be diminshed. There are signs that shows that, and he is working very hard to keep it going. I must not be stagnant and let him to all the work.

Friday, January 25, 2008;5:31 PM

I know it's been so long since I've blogged. Well, 'O' level results was out yesterday and I have to congratulate those students who did well! There were people who didn't do well but no worries, YOU DID YOUR BEST AT LEAST!

Hubby ahs, lols. I don't know how to say him le. Forever like that, playing his life away. He can't go to SP, too bad for him. Lols, Im so bad these days.

He pissed me off somehow, and always after that, solutions to improve it are discussed. Haha, that's us. Lols, but somehow, I find that I don't understand him, neither do I know him. Hmms, 4 months being with each other, it's dangerous.

Peeps, my post is short nowadays. I have no time or mood to do blog. But one thing is for sure, HUBBY, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, WE WILL STICK ON TOGETHER HAPPILY.

Friday, January 18, 2008;6:02 PM

So long I didn't blog liaos.

It is just only the third week ever since the school started. I thought so many weeks had past and it was disappointing. I have no more motivation to study, although hubby kept pushing me. In class, I just sleep. And I choose homework to do. What the hell am I doing? 'O' levels is a BIG event this year and this is how I react to it?

My english sucks like shit and the only way to improve is not being lazy. Well, I wanted to do reading and others stuffs that could improve my english but, I just didn't get the right mood to study. I'm feeling so distracted nowadays. Everyone is way above me, and I'm... right at the bottom. In chemistry, I can't get many questions right. In physics, I have forgotton almost every single things.

Adults always say studying is easy, I should do it well. Is it really that easy? There is no such things as difficult and easy tasks in this world. It depends on our age group and intellectual level. Like now, I'm only a 16 year old girl this year. I can't possibly be handling with so much stresss (as claimed from an adult).

Sometimes, I'm thinking, Life isn't something I would wish for. Death perhaps may grant my dreams. Can I just commit suicide? It will end it all. But on second thoughts, what will happen to Hubby? He loves me so much (forever teasing me), and I just do this? Haiz. If I choose death, I have to choose to let go. If I choose life, I have to bear all the sufferings. For Hubby's sake or not, that's a BIG question in me.

Tomorrow is our 4 month anniversary and I ain't feeling any joyfulness for it. I don't know where I'm going to meet hubby, when I'm going to meet hubby too. Haiz, our relationship is always under constant strain and we can't expand it. We can't have so much time together, we can't really coummunicate well as he's too clever. And I'm on the verge of giving it up. What brings me back is how he loved me. He has been the one building this relationship and I'm always either breaking something apart or torturing him. I'm so not ready for a relationship, perhaps, it's time for us to end bahs? I'll tell him tomorrow.

I don't want to be the one hurting him coz, I love him so much. He should deserve a better girl than me. Hmms, something is makign me laugh. I always repeat this part. I just couldn't let go.

~I end the post. I just want to cry in my room and think of nothing else. If I am still able to not give up him, then I will stay silent tomorrow. If not, I'm going to hurt him once and for all, and end it. =.(

Saturday, January 12, 2008;12:45 PM

Closing of BLOG

I am going to close my own blog. Cos' I have no time to update it. Perhaps after 'o' levels, I would just recreate the blog with a new template. Hubby, i love you

Friday, January 11, 2008;9:57 PM

Blog is rotting soon...

Sorry people. It's ben so long since I updated my blog. There were many events happening in my life but I don't wish to share. Hehe.

Well, there is one highlight I would want to say. I am changing, again. I'm a violent young lady and soon, if the environment allows, I'm no longer as that anymore.

Hubby, compromises are to be made so that the couple can stay together. No matter how much I hated it, I will still do it for you...

Sunday, January 6, 2008;3:17 PM

Jigoku Shoujo Futakomori - Eng Sub

;2:24 PM

At last, there is something for me to do in the weekends !

I have decided to study only in the weekdays and not for all 7 days. Last year, my results were affected just because the stress I tried to hold back erupted suddenly and made me hate studying.

There are also other reasons too. I found something I could do to relax myself. Watch Anime! I didn't know where to get the full-length anime at first but since I am good in searching things, I found many websites that allow me to watch them full length. Including other movies like Heroes, Prison Break. And more.

When I got the time, I will upload the movies. First, I will upload is Jigoku Shoujo. She's a hell girl. These are the sites I've found:
http://www.stage6.com
http://www.sidereel.com
http://www.veoh.com
http://www.yarrow.ws
Enjoy! But there are some sites that require you to download divX or veohtv.

Friday, January 4, 2008;2:12 PM

Hypocrites is what I describe the ppl around me..

I don't understand why people tend to be hypocrites. I know who are those people, especially in the school. Well, I have to adapt in that environment. In the society, that is bound to have.

Let's just forget about that. During the recess time, there was 2 bats above Jiang Fang's and my head. It was so cute when I saw it. Really ! Hahas.

I liked POA; but I hated myself when I forgot to bring things to school. Haiz.. I don't know why. I miss Hubby so much today. Not a single message from him. So sianz..

Well, I skipped NP today, cos' I don't feel like going. I have lost the confidence I had for that CCA ever since something struck me. I rather focus my energy on my academic studies than to waste my time on something I have no confidence for.

I have not taken my recent pictures. Haiz.. I was even almost late for school. Damn it. But something I can rejoice for is, my result slip going to change! =] I don't understand why my conduct is fair, but all I know is I am good in class. Hahas XDD

A new year, a new start. I decided not to be as what I was last semester. It really almost killed me. I also need my 'o' levels to be with Hubby. I don't want him to think of how to meet me.

~ Sayonara ! Need to study le. Hahas!~

Thursday, January 3, 2008;8:59 PM

First day of school.

I couldn't control myself today in school. I don't know why. But I feel that it's been so long since I've gone to school. Merely 2 months of holidays, so many things have changed. The guys are much more talkative than the girls. The girls are more slow in their steps le. Not as rebellious as before.

It's good; 'O' levels are coming soon, so, I understand why they're like that.

I am getting older day by day. And my looks are getting younger each day. Haiz.. I want to grow more matured by appearance. 16 soon, and I look like 14 year old? Walao.

A maths class was disastrous, I went to the wrong class. And when I am in the right class, I couldn't focus. Everyone in the class were real experts. I have not reached the standard yet. I'm so scared I might lose out. Never minds. Each failure is my success. I admit, Mr Long is a better maths teacher. He was consistent in his speed of teaching and his explanations were specific and clear. I liked that. :]

After recess, it as Chinese lesson. Usually, my classmates will disrupt the class and annoy the teacher or even don't do the teacher's work. But, today, everyone was doing the homework. Lols. I didn't manage to finish it too. Haiz..

I took the English test right after the previous lesson. I couldn't focus. All my thoughts were with hubby. The things he did for me, the things he made me laughed and how he always criticise me =.= . XDD I prefer he do that. Cos' in love, everything is in the opposite. The more he love me, the more he will annoy me. The same goes for me. Hahas!~ Tickle Tickle you, hubby. The images of how we kissed kept flashing back. I don't know why. There are others, the way he bully me, the way he counsel me, the way he moves, the way he talks, the way he does things, the way he annoys me, the way.... I can go on forever, I too lovesicked.

I was smsing him during lessons. We reached to a topic whereby I have been worrying about that issue. How can we be together because both of us face restrictions? Parents, studies, sometimes I think, we are not so ready to start it. But we're in the middle of constructing this root of us, we can't end it now. May hurt both of us lots. We need to have adequate communication. If we seem to like another person, must say. If anyone of us choose to leave, must say. COMMUNICATION is the key ! I will try sneak out to meet him. I want him to enjoy being loved and loving me at the same time. I don't want him to be burdened by me so much.

Well, I end my post here. I will upload pictures in this post soon. Got homework to do !

Wednesday, January 2, 2008;6:04 PM

Can I not go to school?

I am not ready to school. It's been only 2 months of holidays and many things happen during that period of time. It scared me till I didn't wanted to talk to anyone now. Although I still talk to hubby, but how about the people I social with everyday in class or in school? I am afraid to go to school because of that.

It's my 'O' level year and I am feeling this way. Sigh, a series of problems. I really don't like to be protected by my mom always. If my mom could just let go of me, I think it would be better in the ending. Less fights, less things to worry about, less things to care about either. To me, no matter what I do, I won't try to hurt myself or others. And I know I have to go home eventually. But, if the love for me is too strong and it pressurized me, I will try to escape. I really wish my mom would let me out of the house for no reason and anytime I can come back.

My classroom is at last year 5A1 classroom. Yay!~ Lols, I am getting crazy. Well, I pon ten school today. I would have nothing to do if I didn't go school so, I went to hubby as planned. Well, details of it I won't share. I don't want anyone to gossip around liaos. They are so irritating. I will tell the people I trust.

I just knew it that Mr Bala would be my class form teacher. Well, Mdm Tay is my Chem teacher. Mr Akmal is my Physics teacher. Mr Ng is still my P.E teacher. Same goes for my Geog, Chinese and POA teacher. I though Chen Laoshi don't want to teach my class le? Hahas, she's been my chinese teacher since sec 1. Well, I am going to work hard for my chinese le. Cannot fail it de. Aiming to get all A1, except English. XDD

[ Exclusive ]
Hubby, you made my day so estatic and fantastic. Without any excruciating pain(hehe), you made me love you so much. I can smile now, and I have grown. You were with me during my process of growing up... You told me that you don't like me, you love me. Hahas. But please, let me bully you with my small fingers and you don't tickle me so hard. Hehe. 男朋友是交来爱的、疼的，也是交来欺负的、打得。 I will never forget what we talked about. They are precious memories to me.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008;3:31 PM

Confusing state of Happiness

Hubby was in M'sia since two days ago. Today, he was back in Singapore. Hahas XDD It was close to 1am in the morning when he came online. He was having this terrible mood swing I had before too. Lols, we're emo couple. Hahas. I chatted with him; although I was chatting with many people. The mood swing made him become confused, and the first thing came to my mind was: Make hubby happy.

I needed to go offline so we continue out our conversation via phone. At first, he was relunctant to accept my call cos' he said that he had nothing to talk about. I was annoyed when I heard that but I ignored it. "Hubby as the priority."

I told him to pour out during the call. He didn't wanted to, but he did did that thought and he doesn't know it. Hahas. We planned what we're going to contribute to this relationship and I'm going to fulfil his dream.

There were many questions I asked him. Lols, he was tired and I was persistent in asking him to answer my questions. Hmms, I tired out him le. So sorry! Think he will be awake after a long while.

He told me that I wasn't open enough with him. He's too close to me, I don't know how to tell him. Hmms, it's a danger to the relationship. What am I suppose to do!?! He's my hubby. I don't want to hurt him and what I think might either hurt him or I will feel embarassed? lols.

I have decided to record down my red bean soup le. Really, it's damn difficult in tracking it down. Die man. Haiz..